Listen: He Knows My Name - Tommy Walker // Give Us Clean hands - Mark Schultz // Isn't He - Terry Clark // God of Wonders - Mac Powell and Cliff & Danielle Young // Beautiful Jesus - Kristian Stanfill //
Spring cleaning of the heart.
It has been a rough few months back, and after some time I'm beginning to see how things are starting to work out. I've never really experienced feelings that I have went through this few months and I thank God that this period of time has been an eye opener. I have never known that sadness, loneliness and brokenness can be SO SO REAL in someone's life. It has never crossed my mind that this feeling would sink in so much into someone, and how much it can affect one. I am so sorry for my ignorance. I now know how depressing it is, and I understand how frustrating it is that all does not go the way as it is before; You are thrown out of your comfort zone, by your comfort.
I now walk out of it, even though it has taken me quite some time and I start to see how my experience could be a turn-over to someone else, or maybe to myself again in the future. During that time, I have countless times questioned God - why did He do this, what did I do to deserve this, why am I alone. If only He could be right there, physically with me, situation would not be that bad.
What I failed to see is the way God is testing our faith in Him, to thoroughly DEPEND on Him alone. To have faith - the substance of things hopes for, the evidence not seen (Hebrews 11:11). What I did not see was, He wanted me to have solitude with Him. I might have been so caught up in so much in my idea of earthly comfort and my idea of security that I did not realise that I have been neglecting my TRUE security blanket, and comfort. I can really say that this time brought me to realisation and I now am working to get back on track. Ultimately, it boils down to a close relationship with the Creator. Going astray, and back again to the Father, is a common cycle. Because we are so of the flesh, that we are never contented with what we have that we'd choose to pursue new subjects and when it fails, we run back to the Father.
I don't blame myself that all of this had to happen to me, just to realise these things. It was all worth it. If I did not go through it, my faith would not be tested and strengthened, I would not have known the reality if the Prodigal-Son-Cycle. It is never too late to take that leap and leave what you thought was too great a burden to bear, and leave it to God. Is your heart willing?
I still cannot say that my struggles are completely over, but I strongly believe that God makes everything perfect in its time. It is always a reminder to me that God is in control, and not myself. How short sighted we can be in looking into the future, why not let the one who is all-knowing decide for you?
Parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-25)
11 And he said, “There was a man who had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me the share of property that is coming to me.’ And he dividedhis property between them. 13 Not many days later, the younger son gathered all he had and took a journey into a far country, and there he squandered his property in reckless living. 14 And when he had spent everything, a severe famine arose in that country, and he began to be in need. 15 So he went and hired himself out to one of the citizens of that country, who sent him into his fields to feed pigs. 16 And he was longing to be fed with the pods that the pigs ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 “But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread, but I perish here with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. 19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants.”’20 And he arose and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ 22 But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. 23 And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. 24 For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate.
The Father is waiting, are you willing? :)